I recently read the blog Top Ten Reasons our kids Leave
Church that has been making the rounds lately. http://marc5solas.wordpress.com/2013/02/08/top-10-reasons-our-kids-leave-church/
It’s been a popular topic for some time with various studies
and opinions offered on why kids raised in the church end up leaving. I've been thinking on the topic and I've come
up with 5 reasons youth don’t go to church.
This is not based on any studies or specific research it’s simply my
opinion based on my experience and observations. I hope it’s helpful in continuing this
conversation because I truly believe that we can do better in keeping our youth
in the fold. This issue is something
that the whole church need to works on, not just the youth staff and
volunteers.
1. Youth don’t feel welcome at church
When I was a kid growing up in church I clearly remember a certain church
member yelling at me for running around in the hallways. This was a person who I had no relationship
with and my only contact with the person was them getting mad at me for being a
kid. Sure, I probably shouldn't have been
running around the halls but the way it was said left me with a negative
impression. I think that probably a lot
of kids and youth have experienced something like this in church. Their only contact with certain church
members is when the aforementioned church members get mad at them for
something. Youth and kids are expected
to sit down and shut up in the church service and when they act their age
(surprise, surprise) some church members get mad at them. This especially hurts when kids from un-churched
homes come to a Sunday service and have no idea how to behave and end up
getting criticized for their behaviour.
This only serves to alienate them from the church body. A better approach would be for adults to
model good behaviour and correct youth and kids in a caring matter rather than
just criticising their behaviour. Youth
and children need to be integrated into the service and they learn with
experience and caring adults mentoring them.
2. Church is for adults
I believe this is a common misconception that is all too often
unknowingly reinforced by the way churches operate. There is a kids program for the kids and a
youth program for the youth. Kids are
dismissed out of the church service and youth have their own night. By extension Sunday service is for adults
right? Youth and kids don’t even know
they belong to the church because they have very little to do with the Sunday
service. When they graduate high school
and are suddenly too old for the youth program they don’t know what to do. They've never been involved in Sunday
services and now suddenly that’s all there is for them?
3. Youth don’t feel valued by the church
Based on the previous two points, youth and kids are not always valued by
the church. Personally I am fortunate to
work in a church that very much values youth and children. It is one thing for a church to state that it
values youth and children but sometimes this just means that a church has programs
for youth and children. They are really
only valued as fringe members who do their thing in their own programs and are
accepted as long as they don’t cause a ruckus in the Sunday service. Youth are not dumb and they pick up on
this. They figure out that they are only
valued by the youth staff/volunteers and not the broader church body. However, when the pastoral staff and church
leadership make it clear that they value youth and children (not just youth and
children’s “programs”) there is a discernible difference in the church and
church members begin to pick up on it and slowly the attitude changes.
4. Boredom strikes again
Frankly youth and children are often bored during the Sunday
service. This is not a call to dumb down
the sermon or dress up the pastor in skinny jeans to be “relevant” to youth
culture, however there are a few steps churches can take to combat
boredom. The previous points I've listed
become essential here. When youth and
children are welcomed, valued and taught that church is not just for adults
their attention to the church service can increase exponentially. Nothing about the service is changed; it is
simply a change in perception for the youth.
When someone feels valued they buy in and all of a sudden something that
was previously seen as boring takes on new meaning. If the lead pastor says something like “It’s
great to see all the youth here today!” on a Sunday morning they love it. What is projected from the church leadership
and church members matters.
5. What is church?
Another
issue is that youth and children don’t know what church really is. So many churches have bought into the program
model that people have forgotten what church means. When every age category has its own program
we segregate the church and fail to teach that church is the body of ALL believers. Proper teaching about the church on a Sunday morning
and during the youth/children’s programs can go a long way to showing people
what church actually is. Church is a
family and all people, all styles and all ages need to be welcomed. Sometimes as adults we forget that the exact
same Holy Spirit at work in us is working in our youth and children.
