How to Help Young People Belong to the Church

I believe there are two crucial transitions in a young person’s life where adults can come alongside teenagers and make a huge impact. The first is around age 12-13 when a child becomes a teenager and the second is when a teenager becomes a young adult around age 18-22. 

Children see the world, for better or worse, largely through their parent’s eyes when they are young.  This begins to change as children hit puberty and become teenagers.  They begin to form more of their own opinions and begin searching for their own identity and place in the world.  This is a major transition as they are no longer all kid, and not yet fully teenager.  Sometimes if you observe closely you can literally see them switching modes from child to teenager within minutes.  Because this is a major transition children of this age are asking a ton of questions and are constantly looking for answers as they seek to relate to the world.  Adults can come alongside kids at this age and build relationships with them and help them through this transition.  In the church kids at this age are making the transition from children’s programs to youth programs.  Now is the time to help kids feel like they belong in 'big church' as they move away from the structured and sheltered confines of the children’s ministry.

The second major transition is the shift from teenager to young adult.  This is another crucial moment where adults and churches can make or break a teenager’s relationship with the church.  Teenagers are graduating highschool and choosing careers or post-secondary education.  Major life shaping decisions are made in this phase.  Making this age even more crucial is the transition that teenagers face in the church.  By graduation and age 18 or so teenagers are too old for the church youth ministry program and begin to transition out.  What is important to realize here is that if a person has grown up in the church they have been part of a program tailor made for their age category for their whole lives.  After graduating from youth ministry teens are suddenly part of 'big church' with all the variety and age ranges that entails.  Some churches, especially smaller ones, do not have a specific young adults program, so these graduates are thrown into the mixer.  If they have not been welcomed at church and built a few significant relationships with adults during their childhood and youth ministry years, they will probably simply leave church. 

There is abundant material written on how many young adults are leaving the church these days and I would contend that part of the reason is that teenagers have not found their place in the church outside of the youth ministry program. (To be fair, a number of these young adults who leave church return to church later in life.)  Youth ministries need to do a better job on integrating youth ministry into the ministry of the whole body so that teens are exposed to ‘big church’ often and become comfortable in church outside of the youth ministry program.  We can all play our part by building a few relationships with teenagers in our churches so that when they graduate highschool and the youth ministry program, they don’t graduate from church.

Two major transitions.  Two incredible opportunities to shape upcoming generations.  What is your role?

Five Reasons Youth don't go to Church.

I recently read the blog Top Ten Reasons our kids Leave Church that has been making the rounds lately. http://marc5solas.wordpress.com/2013/02/08/top-10-reasons-our-kids-leave-church/

It’s been a popular topic for some time with various studies and opinions offered on why kids raised in the church end up leaving.  I've been thinking on the topic and I've come up with 5 reasons youth don’t go to church.  This is not based on any studies or specific research it’s simply my opinion based on my experience and observations.  I hope it’s helpful in continuing this conversation because I truly believe that we can do better in keeping our youth in the fold.  This issue is something that the whole church need to works on, not just the youth staff and volunteers. 

1.       Youth don’t feel welcome at church

When I was a kid growing up in church I clearly remember a certain church member yelling at me for running around in the hallways.  This was a person who I had no relationship with and my only contact with the person was them getting mad at me for being a kid.  Sure, I probably shouldn't have been running around the halls but the way it was said left me with a negative impression.  I think that probably a lot of kids and youth have experienced something like this in church.  Their only contact with certain church members is when the aforementioned church members get mad at them for something.  Youth and kids are expected to sit down and shut up in the church service and when they act their age (surprise, surprise) some church members get mad at them.  This especially hurts when kids from un-churched homes come to a Sunday service and have no idea how to behave and end up getting criticized for their behaviour.  This only serves to alienate them from the church body.  A better approach would be for adults to model good behaviour and correct youth and kids in a caring matter rather than just criticising their behaviour.  Youth and children need to be integrated into the service and they learn with experience and caring adults mentoring them.

2.       Church is for adults

I believe this is a common misconception that is all too often unknowingly reinforced by the way churches operate.  There is a kids program for the kids and a youth program for the youth.  Kids are dismissed out of the church service and youth have their own night.  By extension Sunday service is for adults right?  Youth and kids don’t even know they belong to the church because they have very little to do with the Sunday service.  When they graduate high school and are suddenly too old for the youth program they don’t know what to do.  They've never been involved in Sunday services and now suddenly that’s all there is for them?

3.       Youth don’t feel valued by the church

Based on the previous two points, youth and kids are not always valued by the church.  Personally I am fortunate to work in a church that very much values youth and children.  It is one thing for a church to state that it values youth and children but sometimes this just means that a church has programs for youth and children.  They are really only valued as fringe members who do their thing in their own programs and are accepted as long as they don’t cause a ruckus in the Sunday service.  Youth are not dumb and they pick up on this.  They figure out that they are only valued by the youth staff/volunteers and not the broader church body.  However, when the pastoral staff and church leadership make it clear that they value youth and children (not just youth and children’s “programs”) there is a discernible difference in the church and church members begin to pick up on it and slowly the attitude changes.

4.       Boredom strikes again

Frankly youth and children are often bored during the Sunday service.  This is not a call to dumb down the sermon or dress up the pastor in skinny jeans to be “relevant” to youth culture, however there are a few steps churches can take to combat boredom.  The previous points I've listed become essential here.  When youth and children are welcomed, valued and taught that church is not just for adults their attention to the church service can increase exponentially.  Nothing about the service is changed; it is simply a change in perception for the youth.  When someone feels valued they buy in and all of a sudden something that was previously seen as boring takes on new meaning.  If the lead pastor says something like “It’s great to see all the youth here today!” on a Sunday morning they love it.  What is projected from the church leadership and church members matters.

5.       What is church?

Another issue is that youth and children don’t know what church really is.  So many churches have bought into the program model that people have forgotten what church means.  When every age category has its own program we segregate the church and fail to teach that church is the body of ALL believers.  Proper teaching about the church on a Sunday morning and during the youth/children’s programs can go a long way to showing people what church actually is.  Church is a family and all people, all styles and all ages need to be welcomed.  Sometimes as adults we forget that the exact same Holy Spirit at work in us is working in our youth and children.